Saturday, September 13

How do you deal?

I know I don't have a lot of followers any more, that 2 year break really hurt people checking in here. But I am hoping to get some replies from people.

When I got on the healthcare everyone else got on this year, my first reaction was 'Oh good.. I have a list of things to talk about...'  and I did.  After a car accident a few years ago, my backs fucked up [sorry for the language], my right knees' always been an issue and I know I've been battling depression since before my mom passed.  So here I am, trying to get it all set and I [understandably] had a near 6 month way to see my Primary Care Provider.

Locally, there's a hospital group that my families gone to, since we moved too far from the Air Force base to see them, and I wanted to go back.  As luck would have it, the only doctor still accepting patients at that time was my mothers old doctor.  She's a wonderful woman and despite having had little to do with my moms care near the end, did in fact remember her.  All this seemed like a great thing.

So, I saw her in June.  It was a quick thing, just to touch base and get things moving.  She put me on an AntiDepressant, got me Physical Therapy for my back and we've started getting me back into things.

Now, it's September and I've already finished 12 weeks of PT, which did help [and would be better if I did the exercises more often] and for a while, I was really feeling better.

Then its like the bottom fell out and I can't get myself up in the morning, I'm always tired and my whole body aches.  I have things I WANT to do, but lack any drive to get them done.  Worse still, I can't remember worth shit and sometimes even talking is difficult.  I've tried to type simple sentences and it takes me five or more times to get words I know by heart written correctly.  And the times when I'm sitting there, anxious over how useless I feel are the worst.

I guess the best way to put it is, everythings gone to crap.  And I can't make it stop.

After a busy weekend, I put a call into my doctor and she was serious enough about wanting me in, that if timing didn't work to see her, she wanted me to see another doctor in her office.  Which is encouraging to show how much she wants to take care of me.  I'm smart and haven't just 'stopped taking it' or anything, as I know that can screw you up just as badly.

This whole post is mostly just something I needed to get out there, but I am wondering... How do you deal with the days and weeks where everything is wrong inside your head?

Kristy C