The First....

I know... Over the last week or so, I've managed to sink into a micro depression.  I think, its starting to hit me as to why....


Last years holiday season, wasn't wonderful and spectacular, but... There were four of us.  The family was whole.


This year, there are three of us.  Yes, mom died in April... But, nothing stops the pain of knowing she's not here.  Mixed in with... Everything else, right now I just don't have the energy to put time or effort into something.  And, I know I have to.  I need to work on school and I need to write and... I need to make jewelry.  But, I just feel broke and useless... My jewelry isn't selling, in person or online.  I'm only half enjoying my classes... And I love my book, but right now... I can't focus on it.  I both, need to get out and at the same time, don't have a desire to go any place.


Perhaps... I should still, get out.  Shower, get dressed and made up... Go get myself some hot chocolate/coffee... And at the very least, be not home for twenty minutes.




As an aside, I'd love some feedback on what I'm about to post.  I'm just depressed enough, that I see I have over 100 followers, but receive no comments on anything.. Except contests...Which, I might just stop doing for a little while.



The true story of a Mr. Diggory and a Miss. Perdita Tapio


Diggory and Perdita were twins, who, at a the young age of 23, graduated with doctorates in NeoTechnology.  Thought to be prodigy's in the technologies, they set up a sort of laboratory for study into a few programs that might advance the use of a few of the more space-oriented programs.


Let us explain the technologies of the time.  The two most prominent branches where NeoTechnology and NanoTechnology.  Both were said to be on the cusp of a break through.  Nanotechnology used small machines to create larger ones, that worked as one piece as a whole.  Despite assumptions, this made it easier to figure out when something was broken, by just looking up which Nanite was no longer running properly.  You then shut down for a short amount of time and allowed the Nanites to disassemble, before releasing the new on in to join the machine.  While on the rise, this technology ran into the same snag that Air Ship designs ran into, with the lack of proper processors to run advanced machines.


NeoTechnology has a different approach to everything.  It looks toward making things bigger, but all in one.  The ideas come closer to that of a living machine.  By building a machine as one giant living thing, then creating the program to run it all, machines can work as one whole, instead of millions of minds.  Finding something broken is simple, as the machines program simply searches for the problem and alters those running to, to the problem.  It however ran into the problem of finding a power source to run such a massive, living machine.


Very few people ever worked in both sciences, as they tended to work toward different goals along the way, despite the end result being the same.


Our twins had started to work on a new program that would allow Nanites to work as a team in harmony, better then they currently were. Along the way, they had also created a different way of programming.  They actually used the newly created HoloTechnology to literally enter a program and work on it from the inside out.  Few others used the HoloTech as they did, which made their programs far more advanced than any other on the market.


After working on the code normally, they would then go into the code and watch how it worked to try and solve any problems in the code.  They always left a trail to get out.  After working on the code for several months, they set up the holo-cam to start working from the inside out.


Heading inside the code, they found themselves in a forest of the ones and zeros that filled their little world.  Triggering the holo-computer to start the trail, they worked their way deeper into the program.  Time moves differently in the holo-world, and neither was actually sure how long they walked along, before the house came into view.  It wasn't like anything they'd seen before in a program, and both were very sure it was actually a virus of some sort.  As they got closer to it, the whole program started to skip and ump, causing them to wonder on how to back out, but not finding the trail.


"I guess we're stuck going in."  Diggory told his sister, as they stopped before the house.


Perdita leaned in and frowned at the house, "It's... It's made of... Candy." She said, frowning as she looked back at her brother.  "A house of candy?  We've seen virus' in programs before, but never like this."


"Makes me think of Alice in Wonderland..." He commented, running his hand along the candy cane pillar.  "I keep waiting for a big... Eat Me sign to appear."


"Yeah... Let's look inside, maybe something will show us how to destroy this thing..."


"Never should have let the others share our lab... You know those NanoTech people want us to fail."


Taking her bothers hand, Perdita shook her head.  "You know better than to think like that.  They have helped us keep the costs down, by sharing our lab, it's barely costing us half the rent."


Something that sounded almost like a mechanical laugh erupted behind them.  Something dropped and the two blinked at the licorice bars of a cage.


"See how you enjoy this, NeoTech.  We'll let you out when we show up in the morning... NANOTECH!!!"


Diggory looked back at his sister, "They don't understand Holo's, do they?"

The 'What Now'...

So, I have written a book.. Nano last year.  I love the story, but I haven't been able to touch or look at it since last year.  Just, can't sit down and actually work on it.  But, it's the only story I have that's actually finished.  This is a big deal for me.  I never finish anything.... Bad at it.  Ok, I do finish things, but I don't tend to finish complex things.  And I reaaaaally want someone to read it and edit it for content and/or grammar.


I'm not asking, cause I can't pay... Except in a piece of hand made jewelry... Or a discount at my Etsy shop... Mostly, I'm just putting it out here.


And I saw the list over at Rach Writes, but I've been afraid of going there, to be honest.  I'm not as active a writer as some of... Everyone else there.  I often go a month, without writing anything but school and have had a dry spell for some time now.  Want to write, can't get it out.  There's a disconnect...


Now, I send this off and hopefully will learn more about blogging and keeping up and things, as this month continues.  I've found some great blogs to follow, and enjoyed reading your comments.

NANO 2011

So, we're half way through the month and just over a month and a half away from NANO 2011...
I somehow managed to make it through last years and wrote a novel, that I haven't even looked at since last year....


This year, I want to work on a story I've already started... Nothing written already would be counted in my totals...  And, I know I have time but...


I can't decide which one I should work on.


My untitled Fantasy story, to which I have 6 chapters, bio's, outline and a vague idea of the end result.
OR
My Urban Fantasy story, I Am Myself, about my own version of Werewolves, which I call Ulfur Drykkur's [Wolf Spirit in Icelandic], has a prologue, 2 chapters, bio's and no idea what the end result is.




Now, I know I have time... I mean... A month and a half and all, but.. I'd kinda like to have things more settled, before I actually have the date upon me... And have no idea what I'm doing.  Time has been flowing SUPER fast lately.

Future

I have a future.  What happens, is a very good question.  There are a few known things to me.


1. Next Fall, I will graduate from college with a degree in Business.
2. January 2013, my father is taking a 2 month trip down to Argentina.


Well, that's it.  Everything is, I have no clue on.


Will I still have a business?  What will it's focus be?  Jewelry? Paper Crafts? Photography? Sewn or Knit pieces?  Hell, Hand Spun yarn?


Who knows.  I like to craft and I tend to pick up things and then move on.


But, I want to change.  I want to keep at it and I want to make it work.  I'm 29 for fucks sake, almost 30... And how many things have I started and seen through to the end?


You most likely don't know the answer to that, but I do.


Very few.  If it takes more then about 4 months, I get bored and move on.  Half started things fill my world.  
Incomplete... Should be my tag line


Ideas... I have plenty of those.  Tons.  But, they seldom make it very far out of the idea stage... Too often, they never make it out of my head.


Stories I've no idea where to go next with, but love an adore.


Jewelry I want to make, but can't seem to get into the mood to make.


Idea's galore... Idea's, that go no where in the long run.




Excuse the ranting, just had a 'chat' with my father that has me feeling worthless a little... No, not worthless.. Just...


Incomplete.